It was a lot more foreign that I thought

Traveling always excites me, and I welcome long flights. But this time, I found it pretty daunting. Before I got on the flight, I felt nauseated and couldn’t even finish half a pancake. I had to ask Terence to take care of the rest… My stomach was already in tight knots.

Then, Terence walked me to the departure gates and I got myself into tears. Almost.

Baby, happy one year anniversary! Sorry I choose to be in a foreign country on April 12^th to ease my uneasiness and emotionally get ready for work the next day.

I love you very much.

Then, customs.  That went alright, but it was already time to board, so I rushed to the gate and lined up (in the wrong line for first/business class flyers…no wonder the lady skipped me and checked the passport and ticket of the wealthy-looking middle-aged Caucasian man behind me). I gratefully took the cue and asked where I should head, and she pointed to a long line which I couldn’t see the end. I darted towards the economy queue and anxiously waited without a pack of gum and bottle of water! How could I have forgotten those?? No, wait, I got my toothbrush and toothpaste, so I should be ok… a little hustle-bustle and I finally settled in my not-too-cozy seat and started my little excursion.

People around me just looked more “gweilo” than ever. Well, most of them are gweilos.  And I felt so small and tiny and…Asian.

Anyhow, after transiting in Newark, I safely landed in Dallas Fort Worth.

Things I am grateful for:

1.       Through a friend of a friend of a friend, I met this helpful, kind sister who picked me up at the airport, took me to Walmart to do some grocery shopping, and helped me settle in my apartment.

2.       My checked-in bag only weighed 45 lbs, but that was already too much for me to haul from the conveyor belt onto the floor. I grabbed hold of the handle and tugged but the bag dragged me along… I let out a desperate “aiya” and I guess that prompted a kind gentleman to help me. In one swift swing, my bag was standing proudly on the floor, like an acrobat coming down from a trapeze after completing all those sophisticated moves.

3.       The apartment is fully furnished! Someone even left some Canada Dry in the kitchen cupboard.

4.       When I was going through US customs, I hated myself because I again picked a line which proved to be the slowest (think I stood in line for some 30 mins). Then, I found my worth when the officer needed someone to interpret because he and a Chinese man couldn’t communicate. I was the only Chinese in that particular line.  God is amazing.

5.       My mom did 95% of the packing. Yes, I’m almost 30 and my mom still does the packing for me. Not that I specifically requested! But I’m grateful that she did. She put in everything like putting together a jigsaw puzzle, except she had no clue beforehand what the completed puzzle should look like.

6.       My lovely laptop =) Baby, you’re just too sweet. And the tiny little speaker which works perfectly well when playing Nat King Cole.

All in all, things went well. Thank you, God, and thank you for your prayers. 

Maybe I have every right to complain

Everything just stinks. Everything.

Maybe You're thinking, how could you? I've given you so much, why are you still complaining?

Right, why have you given others more? Why the hell do they deserve MORE???

Immaturity, you might say, and that I'm no more mature than a teen. And that's why I need more chastising than the rest.

I've had enough, damn it! If you're so wise, and OMNIPOTENT they say, then why on earth did you create a lifeform so miserably hopeless? To show the rest of the world that you're GOD?? That you're capable of everything? That's why I was born? Have a heart!!

I love money and riches

...but I don't love them enough to prostrate before them. Yet, at times, I would think that they come second to God. Maybe they really do.

"Okay, I choose to be born."

To be, or not to be (born)?

Why doesn't our gift of freewill extend to or even beyond our time of birth? In that way, we'll get to decide whether to be born or not.

Other than God, our parents were the ones who made the decision. What made them think that a child would be happy on this filth-filled planet? What's the beauty of procreation, really? It's a commandment. But what else?

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If life is a casket where passion lies, am I living life to the fullest?

Who's HOT and who's NOT?

Ladies, would you rather be described as "beautiful" or "hot"?

Gentlemen, would you rather be described as "handsome" or "hot"?

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What I'm grateful for recently:

1) My supervisors, who have been extremely patient with me. I hope their patience is not running out yet.

2) Sharing an office with extremely hard-working yet humane colleagues and not by myself anymore. Really, it's such a priviledge to room with them.

3) The internet. Almost everything is just a click away.